you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
