There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
