We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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