It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
