you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
