my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
