I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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