Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
