We got so high we made milksteak
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
