I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
