flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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