Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
