Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
