The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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