What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
