worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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