you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My bed smells like the plague
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
