You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Boobs speak an international language.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
