It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There's always time for handjobs
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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