At least make sure they are 18
Why
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
