Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
