Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
