And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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