Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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