I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Less talking, more tequila
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
