well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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