he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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