I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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