Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
