he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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