Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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