Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
