Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
