roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
