just come out here and I will go home with you...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
