my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
