I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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