He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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