Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
