I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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