I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
