I want to stick my p in your. b.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
