I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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