I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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