I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
