You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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