Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
