i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
