just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
