I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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