STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
